Monday, 23 January 2017

The Village Tales of Fekenham Swarberry - Book 4 and a bit - Hand In Glove (Chapter 13a)

FEKENHAM GAZETTE

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June 2008
2/6d
Murder in Birchtickle -
Another Severed Hand Found


Elderly resident of the tiny hamlet of Birchtickle, Agatha Nosebag, was found brutally murdered in her home. The woman, who had lived in the area for the past twenty years, was found by police pinned to her kitchen wall with a pair of shears thrust in her mouth.

Chief Inspector Lazarus, also investigating the ‘Hand in Glove’ case said he was shocked by this latest unexpected murder.

Birchtickle has long been the place of odd doings and goings on but murder, as with other villages and towns in the locality, have had far and few homicides.

The dead woman was, as one other resident, Jean Grimstain said, ‘much loved by everyone.’ The brutal method of this murder has left the peoples of Muckleford, Arkenfelt, Wick and Fekenham in a state of horror struck shock.

A second severed hand has been found and identified as being that of long-missing Dame Fatleaf. Sir Clement and Dame Fatleaf went missing twenty years ago without a clue to where they had gone. It has long been speculated that the couple, having met with financial problems and heading toward bankruptcy, had fled to the continent where they had assumed new identities. This latest development throws new light on this old case.

Detective Chief Inspector Lazarus spoke with the press and declared that good progress was being made and this latest slice of evidence puts meat on the bone and enables the police force better clarity to what might have happened.

A local Birchtickle man is currently helping the police with their enquiries into both cases.

Shamed former Tory Chief Whip, Regus Nasaltwist has announced he is writing a memoir. This book is set to expose all the underhand dealings of the East India Company along with revealing the truth about the clandestine covert Brethren.

 Nasaltwist’s publishers ‘Tawny Owl Press, have said they are more than confident the book will become a best-seller.

Owner of the publishing house, Guthrie Poop said, ‘all the necessary ingredients are there – political intrigue, illicit arms trading, sex and corruption. I think we shall make a mint.’

Former boss of East India Trading, Wynkin de Worde III, has been exiled to the island of Sark where he will live the rest of his natural life under home arrest As the residence occupies a large part of the geographical island terrain he will have a rather large ‘compound’ to exercise in.

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Russell Cuts the Corn From The Brewers Whiskers.

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